Somebody Please Invent Air Conditioned Spanx

 Please Invent Air Conditioned Spanx

Summer is coming and the body is NOT ready. The past year for me has been spent yelling out YOLO! before I engage in a Krispy Kreme. Usually, I’m at least ready to fit into some cute boardies and a swim singlet. Nope, not like previous years.

It’s not that bad, I’m happy and that’s the most important thing to me. When an event comes along and I have to dress up I feel a pang of regret. Maybe if I had of just dropped 3-4 cm I would be much more comfortable in this.

If I mention my dilemma to friends, someone always drops the Spanx suggestion. Yes, Spanx, Shapewear, Body Shapers – Whatever you want to call them, They are great. Often I’m at risk of crushing my internal organs, but there’s a price for vanity.

 

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I have a problem with Spanx. In the Queensland summer – unless the event is in an air-conditioned room – I will probably pass out. I feel like all the heat is kept in and I will just internally combust, exploding all over the other guests.

Somebody please, invent air conditioned Spanx. I will even carry around a little unit in my handbag with a wire leading into my Spanx. NASA builds spacecraft’s, is it really that much to ask? I enjoy donuts and frappes, can’t I have my cake and eat it too?

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It looks like this year I will be opting for large flowy resort wear. I feel ashamed for feeling this way because I’m only a size 12 (I know, slap me). If I stood in front of myself from two years ago, I could sit on her and crush her with my chubby yet flat bum.

I don’t know how a bum can get fat and flat, but it does. It’s an illusion, it doesn’t actually look fat with pants on. Having a flat arse is a dilemma because pants never seem to fit correctly and shapewear makes you look like your bum cheeks were abducted.

The good news is I won’t be getting skin cancer this summer, tanning on the beach in my Bikini is not going to happen for two reasons. 1. I “feel “fat and 2. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Melanoma – and somehow survived.

What are you wearing this summer? Some tips for beating the heat and being safe HERE

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