Please Invent Air Conditioned Spanx
Summer is coming and the body is NOT ready. The past year for me has been spent yelling out YOLO! before I engage in a Krispy Kreme. Usually, I’m at least ready to fit into some cute boardies and a swim singlet. Nope, not like previous years.
It’s not that bad, I’m happy and that’s the most important thing to me. When an event comes along and I have to dress up I feel a pang of regret. Maybe if I had of just dropped 3-4 cm I would be much more comfortable in this.
If I mention my dilemma to friends, someone always drops the Spanx suggestion. Yes, Spanx, Shapewear, Body Shapers – Whatever you want to call them, They are great. Often I’m at risk of crushing my internal organs, but there’s a price for vanity.
I have a problem with Spanx. In the Queensland summer – unless the event is in an air-conditioned room – I will probably pass out. I feel like all the heat is kept in and I will just internally combust, exploding all over the other guests.
Somebody please, invent air conditioned Spanx. I will even carry around a little unit in my handbag with a wire leading into my Spanx. NASA builds spacecraft’s, is it really that much to ask? I enjoy donuts and frappes, can’t I have my cake and eat it too?
It looks like this year I will be opting for large flowy resort wear. I feel ashamed for feeling this way because I’m only a size 12 (I know, slap me). If I stood in front of myself from two years ago, I could sit on her and crush her with my chubby yet flat bum.
I don’t know how a bum can get fat and flat, but it does. It’s an illusion, it doesn’t actually look fat with pants on. Having a flat arse is a dilemma because pants never seem to fit correctly and shapewear makes you look like your bum cheeks were abducted.
The good news is I won’t be getting skin cancer this summer, tanning on the beach in my Bikini is not going to happen for two reasons. 1. I “feel “fat and 2. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Melanoma – and somehow survived.
What are you wearing this summer? Some tips for beating the heat and being safe HERE