Growing Up Without My Dad Hurts, You Told Me To Get Over It.
I haven’t spoken with my dad for many years. Like so many women out there, I have been let down by my father. Somebody within my family had managed to get the word around that I consider my Dad to be “A Terrible Person”.
I want to share some of the things that get me through when complex family issues arise.
It is ok to be hurt
It is ok to feel like you didn’t get what you needed from a relationship
It is ok to let a relationship go when them time is right for you
If you’re going through a similar situation, that it is ok. Feel what you need to feel.
To The Person Who Questioned My Feelings,
When my niece was born we sat in the hospital cafeteria and I was in tears about the relationship that I did or did not have with Dad because he wasn’t there for me when I needed him.
You Told Me To Get Over It.
That is a bloody hard thing to hear when I’ve been mourning the loss of a relationship.
When I was 14 I wrote a letter to him saying that he needed to be more involved in my life and that that he was the adult. The love needed to come from him.
I was just a kid.
The thing is, I am now an adult, 20 years on from that letter. I haven’t needed Dad in my life because he hasn’t been there for me for the special occasions, but I sure as hell wanted him there.
I have two children of my own now and I would walk over a bed of nails, a river of lava or face a firing squad for them because I love them. THAT is what you do when you have children and you love them.
You have no idea how often I have cried about the things I have missed out on by not having a Dad around.
I know I’ll be criticised for not inviting him to half of those things but It was his job to make the effort. Now that I’m the adult, I can take control over the things that make me happy in my life.
I never said that my Dad was a terrible person, I simply stated that he was never there for me when I needed him, and that’s the truth.
I hope you can find your own peace in that and understand what it’s like, to walk a mile in someone’s shoes when they grew up without the father they so desperately wanted.
Written By Kelly
Kelly is the Chief Organising Officer at Daily Orders.
After almost 15 years in the Australian Defence Force Kelly is an expert in planning. Kelly doesn’t just sell planning products, she also donates a percentage of her profit to Soldier On, Soldier On supports those who have served by focusing on their physical and mental health, their community and their future.