Breaking The Things You Love About A Woman

Breaking The Things You Love About A Woman

Yesterday I spoke about this with a friend, although we laughed about it, it left an echo within me. I thought about the feeling of being broken all afternoon. How do women stop it from happening again? Should friends intervene? Could I have prevented it? Is this a cycle?

Picture this.

Your friend starts dating a man. She seems so happy at first. Within a couple of years, she cannot even recognise her own reflection, he breaks her. She was once a vibrant flame. Before, here eyes were like emerald pools that made you pause for a second, just to take them in. The flicker in her lively personality has almost been extinguished.

This is what it’s like to be at the hands of a sociopath or a narcissist. Sometimes it’s just a mean or utterly selfish person. I have been through it. I have friends who have also been through it. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s happening to others because it’s kept behind closed doors. Then there’s the self blame, If she changes, the relationship will survive.

I don’t want to be sexist, I recognise it happens to men too. But I am not a man, I am a woman. I can only speak of what it’s like when a man does this. He takes you in, he declares every little thing he loves about you and then, piece by piece. He shatters you.

I take responsibility for my part, I should have walked away. The problem is it’s like a dripping tap. It starts off barely noticeable, then the dripping gets louder. You’re busy, you ignore it for weeks despite the noise crawling under your skin. You hope that someone else will come along and fix it.

The dripping becomes one of those things you just get used to hearing, even though it wears you down.

Then one day the tap is gushing, spilling over and consuming everything. You can’t just fix it anymore. A new tap won’t do, you need your old tap back. You need your old self back. You need to leave and find her. I left and found her, I dragged her up out of the depths of passed time.

My old self. She’d been missing for almost 10 years. She had children during that time, another reason to ignore her spark being buried. She sacrificed her whole being, including her morals. Right down to the clothing she liked to wear, the music she listened to daily. She was just an empty shell.

This is what happens to a woman when you take away every single thing that keeps her vibrant. Without the basic things that excite her and make her feel beautiful, she dies inside. When you peel away every fibre of a person’s source of happiness, you are a nothing but a thief.

Stealing other people’s light, for your own flame.

I am nobody. I am a simple woman who has led a bumpy life. I don’t feel like I’m of any qualification to give advice. I don’t feel important and I don’t expect anybody to see great wisdom in my words. None of this stops me from writing.

I write because I want to say things to you. I want to say things to women. I don’t want just my friends to hear me, I want every woman to know that I have been there. If you have been there too, you are not the only one.

You are not silly or stupid.

You are not “expired”. You are not ugly or worthless. You are not the problem, there is nothing “wrong” with you.

There is something very wrong with a person who relies on sucking the soul out of someone else to remain happy.  You are not alone, I am here, WE are here. You just need to search a little, you will find us.

I am right here, you found me in the click of a button.

The punchline is, those people will never be truly happy if they cannot achieve happiness on their own. Happiness comes from inside. From self-love, self-awareness and leading your own life. Not destroying what makes other people beautiful for a short lasting supply of false happiness.

Even when you’re broken, it will never be enough. So don’t ever give another man the key to what will always be yours, your soul. Spend your energy with someone who lights your fire every single day.

Just. Be. You. 



6 comments

  1. Such a beautiful post that I know would resonate deep with many people who have been in this situation. It is vital for women (or men) in this situation to know that they aren’t alone and they are not worthless. The mind can trick you into believing someone else’s words. It is so important that like you said you are writing to help all women. This sort of support can offer so much strength to many xx

  2. When someone systematically takes you apart, I don’t think you have to take responsibility for that. That subtle beginning of abuse is on the abuser. And it’s not sexist- you’re talking about your experience and when it comes to abuse we know there are a staggering number of male offenders and I hope that changes soon.

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