I Should Have Purchased Shares In…
I Should Have Purchased Shares In A Toilet Paper Company
Where the blimming heck does all the toilet paper go when you have kids? I should have purchased shares in Sorbent. I can’t be the only parent that buys the BIGGEST pack of toilet paper in the supermarket only for it to go Kapoof!
“ARE YOU KIDS EATING THE TOILET PAPER?”
“Am I not feeding you enough?”
“Why won’t the toilet flush properly?”
“Who wiped with 25 kilos of toilet paper and murdered the flush button?”
Side point. If you happen to have boys can we just embrace for a minute? I feel you. Picture me on top of dunny bowl like Katniss in the Hunger Games. I salute you, we are in this together!
My son once said to me “Mummy when I grow up I want to be a fireman”. I told him to start pretending there is a fire in the toilet. Not up against the walls, on the floor and the back of the door. Pee IN the actual toilet. Thank you.
My toilet is officially a hazardous zone since having children. So much that during the earlier days of motherhood I developed a product line to help mothers like myself. Between flashing lights in my toilet and target stickers, they have the tools to aim – they just occasionally ignore them.
When I become a grandparent and my children are adult parents. I will show my appreciation for the hardship they are going through with cheesy novelty toilet paper and reminders that they now own their own personal wee factory.
Should’ve Purchased Shares In Wireless Technology Innovation
It seems I have a problem in my home with owning any property that has a cord coming out the end of it. Phone chargers being pinched. Keyboards being tied to my office chair. The cord to my vacuum being used in a game of cowboys and Indians.
Children. Just stop. You are meant to be the light that shines out of my ass. Not roaming ferals that tie my headphones to our patio furniture! One life saver I did find was a set of wireless earphones on eBay for $10 Free Postage.
They were great until my fournager stole the soft bits and now they stab me in the ear holes, so I have since bought a better pair.
I Should Have Purchased Shares In The Lazy Food Market
Between individually wrapped supermarket items, using a horrendous amount of sandwich bags and prepacked “Squeezy pouches” – I have invested a small fortune in “lazy food options”. I have moments where I decide I’m going to be an environmental Queen and save the world. I’ve purchased eco reusable squeezy bags and products such as Sinchies [which are great by the way].
It all lasts until the crap hits the fan and I’m back in crappy motherhood mode. Whether it’s kids who get a vomiting bug or the school has called you 15 times this month – you fall off the bandwagon. If I had shares in the lazy food market maybe I could re-invest it in somebody helping me get my shit together.
The recent death of the “Sunny Boy” ice block is a clear message, People don’t buy sugar filled pre-packaged crap anymore. Get with the times. I’m trying.
If you are not in Australia, you might want to shop HERE
I Should Have Invested in 7/11 Shares
Late night bread runs. Late night chocolate runs (ok, those are for me). Early morning emergency school lunch runs. FUEL for the Mum Taxi. Did any of us really predict the rise in fuel costs? It has become one of the biggest costs in our weekly budget.
“Mum can you take us to the water park on the weekend”
“Yes of course son, but we’ll have to sell your sister, the TV and the couch”
Don’t get me started on Krispy Kremes, those doughnuts are like cocaine, they will get anyone hooked.
What Do You Wish You Had Of Bought Shares In?
Affiliate Disclosure: The majority of these links DO NOT contain affiliate earning links. But Some do. I just think the products are cool. Every product I have provided a link for [except for novelty toilet paper] I have purchased in the past, which Is why I know they are either amazing, delicious or hilarious.