The Art Of The Yoga Farting Mummy
My name is Kate and I’m a postpartum yoga farting mummy. It was actually a Pilates class where I first discovered the Yogavart. I know its been dubbed the Yogavart by some because after the incident I googled “Yoga Vagina Farts”.
I joined a female only gym 12 weeks after the birth of my daughter. The thought of the class had me nervous. It had been years since I did Yoga and I had never tried Pilates. It took a lot of courage, but I could feel postnatal depression looming over me and just wanted to kick its arse,
Despite being my second child I didn’t realise my pelvic floor region would be like a broken elevator. The yoga class consisted of mostly older woman. There was one pregnant woman who could only do parts of the class. This made me more comfortable. If she can, I can.
When I arrived my shoes squeaked along the floor. How annoying that was but I would be thankful later. During the class with each stretch, someone kept farting in a high tone. That someone was me. Singing a tune the whole time I felt mortified.
Mortified because they were loud enough that people kept looking in my direction. Horrified because they were from a region that I had not experienced that volume and frequency. The pregnant woman who could not do half of session couldn’t keep her eyes off me, I had been made.
I kept squeaking my hot pink Adidas trainers to try to cover it up. I wanted to just leave but then I would be the woman who left Yoga because my queefing was off the chain. Would I ever be able to come back without feeling like the farty elephant in the room?
I finished the lesson trying to keep my bodily parts shut. I went home and hit google because I felt so abnormal. What if this happens forever? What If I’m doomed to be the farting lady for eternity? It turns out that it would just take time. I had just had a baby and things were still confused down there.
I didn’t go to a Pilates class for a long time. I enjoyed the rest of the gym, I now have three children and I still wear hot pink trainers.