Theme Park Horror. The Day I Almost Died


Almost Died At Wet’N’Wild Theme Park.

After a big afternoon tea, Master Ryan decided he just wanted eggs on toast for dinner. We ate. We slept. We woke……..Time to hit the Theme Park.

Probably our last trip to the theme park this year so we made sure we went on everything we could. Now I do not know if you have ever been on “The Black Hole” but it was my first time. I was tired by this stage and the words “The Black Hole” along with the view of a Black loopy slide didn’t really make my brain “PING” like it should.

It is, in short, a fully enclosed black spiral slide with some small LED lights inside. Not for the claustrophobic at all. It is hella DARK with a limited amount of oxygen at your disposal.

Initially, I was enjoying the slide for the first  5 seconds despite the pitch black darkness and the tiny led lights freaking out my eyeballs.  I suddenly became anxious and overwhelmed by a violent smell that was suffocating my oesophagus making me a cough and gag. Going through my last thoughts and the bucket list I never ticked off as I flew down the black hole the smell reminding me off rotten eggs burning every ounce of air I tried to find.

Slowly dying, watching my life flash before my eyes  – the light appeared….There really is a God and despite all my mistakes, I’m entering heaven. Maybe I’ll even be reincarnated as a butterfly. I quickly started drawing up a mental will. So many things left unsaid. So much emotional YOLO in the feels department.

The sun starts to appear and the outside world emerges along with a young boy…It’s my boy and he’s giggling.

“Mum…I farted in the slide”.




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This is now forever known as the day my son fluffed in a slide and almost killed me.

Probably not the theme Park Horror Story you Were Expecting…..The joys of parenting!

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